Arts Vanity: How to Sell Me Literally Anything

From the early days of getting disproportionately hype for the release of “Frozen” in 2013 thanks entirely to an early drop of “Let It Go” — yes, I already had it memorized before setting foot in theaters — I am not ashamed to say that I have always found myself extremely susceptible to a well-executed marketing campaign. It’s never just about good trailers or famous faces, but rather a collection of small, seemingly insignificant moments that somehow do all the work. After these many years of experience, I’d like to think that I have compiled the perfect set of guidelines for creating a press tour that is guaranteed to have me — and, I suppose, the rest of your audience — sitting at a local AMC, plugging in headphones, or restarting a free Disney+ trial just to experience.

Timothée Chalamet Talking About Blimps

So what is “Marty Supreme” even about? I genuinely have no clue, but I know with complete certainty that I want to see it. Put Timothée Chalamet dancing in front of a branded orange blimp or yapping for 18 minutes on a Zoom call to supposed executives with zero context and you’re already halfway to the perfect press tour. If you’ve got your audience asking, “Why is this happening?”, congratulations — it’s working. Extra points if, somewhere along the way, you also manage to sell a line of deeply questionable jackets for up to thousands of dollars each.

Sending Singers Into Space

Katy Perry literally went to space, and, yes, it instantly makes her music 100% more serious. Zero gravity hair, an awkward rendition of “What a Wonderful World,” selfies with Earth in the background — this is the kind of press tour that officially is out of this world. I mean do I even want to listen to an album if the artist hasn’t gone on an 11-minute spaceflight? I don’t think so.

A Metric Ton of Memes, Viral Clips, and Quotability

Next, you’re gonna want to pair two lead actors with explosive meme chemistry. Shush helicopter, because Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo have more internet-breaking moments, tears to shed, and space to hold than anyone could reasonably expect. Their combined efforts make the “Wicked” press tours in 2024 and 2025 both mildly concerning and almost as culturally significant as the films themselves.

Beef

There’s absolutely nothing in the world that draws me in more than public displays of pettiness between icons. From the moment the Kendrick Lamar and Drake feud ignited, I was glued to every diss, diss-response, and response to the diss-responses. Nothing else needs to exist — just let the tension breathe and watch the internet explode. It always helps if 133.5 million viewers witness you get the final word during the most-watched Super Bowl halftime show of all time.

A Wholesome Cast Dynamic

On the flip side, nothing beats discovering that on-screen chemistry actually exists in real life. In arguably the most relentlessly hopeful film of 2025, James Gunn’s “Superman” was fueled largely by the lead actors — David Corenswet, Nicholas Hoult, and Rachel Brosnahan — being unironically delightful and displaying a clear love and respect for one another. Optimism, charm, and just the right amount of nerdy knowledge made every interview feel like a sitcom crossover episode.

A Note on Jean Ads

BONUS: Just in case you’re still a little lost on what to do when crafting the press tour that is sure to draw in the masses — with me at the helm — here are some thoughts on what not to do: Whatever is happening with Sydney Sweeney.

—Incoming Culture Executive Sara R. Eyjolfsdottir is probably somewhere arriving at a movie theater an hour early to make sure she doesn’t miss any of the trailers. If not, she can be reached at [email protected], especially with recommendations of new press tours to get influenced by.